We aren’t together, as in a couple. You broke up with me. I wanted to hate you, I never could. I wanted to throw everything away, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted to spend days crying. I let myself get out of control for a couple of weeks. I went out, drank, and didn’t care who I would meet. I wanted you off my mind, but through everything you stayed there. A month went by, I got the first letter you ever wrote me. It somehow got lost and we thought I’d never get it. It came when I needed it the most. It built me up and tore me down all at the same time. Then a few days later I got a call from you. It was at four in the morning and I was dead asleep from not being used to being half awake for a call, since you hadn’t called in weeks. You left a voicemail. You said you’d understand if I was taken, since you let me go, but that when you got back you were going to fight for me. You said boyfriend or not you loved me. My world was turned completely around. I wasn’t sure what to do or say, and it wasn’t like I could call you back anyway. Then you wrote me on facebook, you called me again, we talked for hours like nothing happened. But at the end of the day we both knew we weren’t a couple yet. Now you’re being sent home early. When exactly? I wish I knew. You never had a chance to tell me. I’m freaking out. I don’t even know how to act anymore. You’ve been gone more than half a year, and I’m still here. I hope and pray things go my way. So we can finally spend time making funny faces, walking hand in hand, watching movies, sweet kisses, loving each other. You mean the world to me. I love you, I do.
With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
With money you can buy a clock, but not time.
With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep.
With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge.
With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health.
With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
With money you can buy blood, but not life.
With money you can buy sex, but not love.
Confession #263: Sometimes it’s so hard to be faithful. But it’s not because I don’t want to be with him, or I don’t love him so much. I just need him beside me and sometimes I wish I could be with someone else and close my eyes, pretend it was him just so I could feel him here with me. I miss him so much it hurts.
Confession #277: I can deal with the distance. I can deal with not being told everything. I just want to be able to talk to him and know he’s OK. To all Military SO’s who have that privilege: Cherish it.
25 Days of Christmas Confessions [11/25]
Confession #281: I’m happy he’s coming home for Christmas, SO happy. But I’m afraid I won’t be as perfect as he says I am since we’re used to being far apart.
I thought you were different. You said you weren’t like them. You left me. You left me all alone. Your job is your number one priority, well what was I? Thanks for crushing me.
Sometimes…I don’t feel strong enough to do this. I don’t feel strong enough to be away from you for so long. Then I have to sit there and realize I’ve made it through five months without you, I only have the rest of this month and two more to go. I need to hold on. I need to.
Confession #152: I hate not knowing when I’ll get to talk to him next or whether he will be coming home or not from deployment.